Before You Call Yourself a White Ally…

It's the beginning of a new decade, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, and somehow it’s taken this long to get black voices heard around the world. Social media is filled with the angry voices of black people and our allies—so much so that to see a post by a white colleague not supporting or acknowledging the protests angers me.

I haven’t been vocal in the past week and have lost the energy to pick up my instrument. I have been traumatized, rehashing the pain brought on by experiencing years of racial injustice. I have been angered seeing the white “allies” who stood silent through the deaths of many black people over the years suddenly vocal because activism has become the latest trend due to a pandemic and stay at home order leaving them with nothing else to do.

Then why have I been silent?

With other people taking over the job of filling social media with the same message I have been trying to push for years, I was finally allowed the chance to step back and breathe. It allowed me to have the space to experience emotions without being forced to appear strong to stand up for myself when I am truly just scared. My silence has allowed me the time necessary to figure out what is important for me to say beyond what has already been said. It has allowed me to determine that my anger and frustrations right now are justified, leading to the bluntness of this statement. I’m disappointed in this country—disappointed in the fact that we are dealing with modern day lynching in the case of Ahmaud Arbery, reckless police brutality that resulted in the murder of Breonna Taylor in her own home, and the savagery that police perpetuated by kneeling on George Floyd’s neck for nearly nine minutes until they were sure he was dead. However, this is nothing new and I’m not surprised. We got to this point because of a lack of action by the non-black people in America. So, my white “allies,” I am angry and disappointed with you; it is time for you to own up to your inaction and actually be an ally.

Here is the statement that I have been drafting over my days of silence:

I consider myself an optimist for most things, but right now I’m quite cynical. My cynicism is built up from years of experiencing injustices while watching white "allies" stand idly by on the sidelines until some new hashtag pops up and sparks their “activism” again. Police brutality is just one example of the injustices that black Americans face every day, weighing on us in the form of racial battle fatigue that yields significant consequences on our mental health and overall performance. On a daily basis, we have to stand up for ourselves and be our own allies while dealing with the same daily stressors that everyone else has.

I don’t want to be so exhausted that I need to hide myself for a week before being able to express my thoughts and emotions in a coherent way. Right now, I want to be solely angry at those directly impeding our justice rather than frustrated to see the same people who sat by in silence over the years, claiming to have always been white allies. You are the same people who sat in silence as your colleague harassed me and called me the N-word. You are the same people who sat in silence as the professor you all hired and tenured remained unable to articulate why I got a lower grade than my white peers and your dean took that side without explanation. You are the same people who sat in silence as your peers made ignorant comments during class discussion, waiting for me to figure out how to defend my entire race when I just showed up to learn.

Where were you then when I could have used your support? When we ALL could have used your voices?

It is time for you to get off your phones and computers and pay attention to ways to affect actual change by helping with the small things that lead to us getting fed up enough to have these protests.

Now I must admit that dwelling on the past will do nothing to accelerate change other than heightening white guilt even more. That is why I must bring up the current issues I am observing in this past week’s new wave of Black Lives Matter hashtags. There have been two disappointing and frankly enraging behaviors that need to be brought to your attention before you continue your new activism.

First, You need to make an actual statement about this so we know what side you’re on and can address our actions with you accordingly.

(Yes, suddenly you’re required to do something because you’re white while black people are in the clear. *Gasp!)

Administrators, professors, ensemble directors, teachers, and future educators, this is especially important for you, as for me to be present in your class or trust you with those who look like me, I need to know that we are safe, heard, and validated. The number of you I see posting about your daily lives over the past week without sharing even one article about this is appalling.

We see you. Your actions speak loud--silence is deafening.

This action (or inaction) is making me question our entire relationship and whether or not you actually are as in support of “diversity” and "inclusion" as you claim to be.

“But you didn’t say anything for a week…”

Yeah… you do not get the same opportunity to take the time to grieve this situation that black people do right now because you are not feeling the same level of fatigue, stress, or fear that any of us are as we experience this constantly. (Please do not try to relate to us by saying you’re also “tired.” I assure you that you are not, and that is insulting to say and a microaggression.) If you can’t handle seeing this all over your social media feeds or handle the discomfort that may be brought on by my singling you out right now, how do you think we feel? We do not have the opportunity to go about our daily lives as if this isn’t happening. This is our daily lives, and we cannot hide from it.

Second, some of you really need to stop promoting yourselves. This isn’t about you.

I have been witnessing a ton of self-promotion through many of my white allies that I have been hesitant to bring up on an individual basis (so hopefully you’re reading this now). It’s not the time to use this country’s climate to endorse your own platform by writing a blog post that misses the point entirely, sharing some project you made that briefly mentions people of color, or making a recording of a spiritual or piece by a black composer to make music for a cause and show how “woke” you are. These actions are all for your own self-promotion and are pushing the black writers, creators, and musicians who do the same back into the shadows. You must acknowledge your privilege and realize that now is not the time for your self-promotion, and it certainly is not the time for you to sell yourself as an ally in order to get some clout or assuage your white guilt.

So what is it the time for?

It is time for you to speak up to your more ignorant peers or family members who send subtle messages of prejudice. It is time for you to share the work your black friends are doing on social media and show up to peaceful protests to raise our numbers. It is time for you to check in with your black friends without belittling their experiences through an “I know how you feel” (because you don’t). It is time for you to address the inequalities and systemic racism you observe on a daily basis beyond this pandemic. It is time for you to vote for those who will dismantle these systems to reform police departments and the corruption in the government so Breonna Taylor and George Floyd can be some of the final victims.

It is time for you to actually commit to being an anti-racist white ally.

I don’t know how many of my fellow black people feel my disappointment, anger, and frustration. I could be alone in this frustration and way off the line, but I highly doubt it.

I am grateful for all the support and publicity many white allies are bringing to this cause, but I want to remind you that our lives mattering isn’t just a trend that you can add to your Facebook profile picture for a minute and take it down to move on with business as usual once you think this is “over”. It’s not something that you can devote time to during a pandemic because the Stay at Home Orders leave you needing something to do. You need to be in it with us if you are truly an ally, whether that’s a month from now or five years from now.

In a month or two, when this “hype” dies down, I am curious to see which white “allies” will decide to continue speaking out over all racial injustices and which will go back to their silence that got us here.